'I'm running to your arms'

Forever Reign 
by Hilsong

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy 
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost it's sting

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing 
NO OTHER name
Jesus, Jesus

We sang this song at church last year, just days after my first miscarriage and I remember standing there, trying to sing these words but it was impossible because I was in so much grief and couldn't stop the tears. When we got to the chorus, "Oh, I'm running to your arms  I'm running to your arms, the riches of your love will always be enough, nothing compares to your embrace" I remember just closing my eyes and could feel Gods presence in the midst of such sorrow and sadness. Standing there I told God, I don't know how to count this trial as a joy but please help me to! There are no words to describe the peace that can only come from God. 

Fast forward a year...

Last night at church we dedicated our miracle baby Keira back to God.  Even before she was born, I told God that she belonged to Him, not me. I want her time on Earth to be spent serving God however God wants.  Today was a public display before our church family that we are committed to raising her according to Gods standards. Our dear friends Chesed and Patrick were there to pray with us as we dedicated Keira.  Chesed was such an amazing friend to me during all the miscarriages. She would send me texts, scripture and just listen. The power of a listening friend!! It was so special to have her there with us. 

After her dedication one of the songs we sang was the one that brought me to tears every time I heard it after the miscarriages. This song will always be a reminder of Gods love and the peace that can only come from Him. In HIM, death has lost its sting. Only in His presence am I made whole.  We all have a void in our life. A void that only God can fill. Some can easily acknowledge that void. Others try to fill that void with 'stuff' that just doesn't satisfy.  No spouse or child can fill that void.

Even before God surprised us with Keira I knew that HE was enough. No baby could fill me or complete me, only God could do that. My life is not defined by my children. God will always be enough. The only thing I know is that even if God did not bless us with another child, I am complete in Him. Nothing on this planet will ever satisfy or come remotely close to the peace that comes from God. 

Pastor Ryan Motsinger, who is one of our friends, prayed over Keira during the dedication service. It was such a special night!

LadyBear

LadyBear is due in 8 days!  Rewind 11 months ago and I never would have imagined I would be blessed to go through another pregnancy/delivery.

Not many people knew about the 3 babies we lost in a 7 month period or the devastating news we received from our fertility Doctor about not being able to have more biological children.

Weeks after our horrible news from the fertility Dr was when we found out I was 4 weeks pregnant with LadyBear.  I immediately called the fertility Dr and they did blood work.  They called me to their office to go over the lab results. The entire way there I was praying that whatever this pregnancy held that God would help me be at peace and trust Him with the results.  As soon as I got there I was told that we had already lost our baby.  It was the most supernatural peaceful feeling ever as I left the fertility Dr's office.  I was at complete peace with what God's plan was for us regardless if He blessed us with another baby.  Obviously I was very disappointed but I KNEW God had a plan and His plan was 100% better than anything I could come up with.

Hours after learning we had already lost LadyBear, I received a phone call from the fertility Dr saying he had some news but I was not allowed to ask any questions. I agreed and he then told me he was wrong and the baby (LadyBear) was not lost! He had no medical definition as to how this had happened and that's why I wasn't allowed to ask any questions. He had repeated the lab work and it showed my levels were more than doubling!  That is how our pregnancy with LadyBear started.  Every week for many weeks we had to go to follow-up appointments and each time, she had to have met his guidelines of progress or we would have to stop the hormone therapy he had put me on. Each week she more than exceeded his guidelines! God was truly at work in her little body already.

The closer I get to her due date the more emotional I feel about the three babies we lost.  We missed out on their due dates, bringing them home from the hospital, first smiles, first words, their first steps and so much more.  So many missed happy memories with those three little ones but, that wasn't Gods plan for us.  LadyBear is. Regardless of what the future holds, I know God is and always will be in control.  Just because bad things happen doesn't mean God doesn't love us or wants to hurt us.  We many never know why we had to go through that heartache but I know that God doesn't do anything without a purpose or a plan.

For the last 9 months I have dreamed about the day she is born so we finally get to see her and then to have my Dr put her in our arms!  I am so looking forward to kissing her cheeks and toes, smelling the newborn smell and watching her make funny faces in her sleep.  I am so appreciative that we get to do this again and not a second with her will be taken for granted.

There have been so many, many, many prayers prayed for this little one by us, family, our LifeGroup and our friends!

Valentines Day.

Valentines Day... I've never been a huge fan of Valentines Day. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade but I just hate the idea of men feeling obligated to buy gifts or flowers that are just going to be thrown away.

I hate going out to eat on Valentines Day. The restaurants are always packed full of people and the waitstaff are trying to hurry in and out as many customers as possible. I hate to feel rushed like that. I would much rather buy some really nice cut of meat so I can cook dinner at home and then have Clayton get a dessert from the Cheesecake Factory. I despise cheesecake BUT, The Cheesecake Factory holds my heart captive to the best chocolate dessert in the world- Linda's Fudge Cake. This is no ordinary chocolate cake! Its seven layers of chocolate cake and chocolate fudge frosting topped off with chocolate shavings. It usually takes Clayton and I two days to finish one slice. Now that Jett has inherited my sweet tooth, I'm sure Linda's Fudge Cake wouldn't last more than a day in my house.
Anyways...
Monday nights are my Bible Study nights. I leave at 6 and don't get home until around 8:30.  We don't eat dinner until after I get home. Clayton doesn't usually get home from work until 6 so Monday nights he usually walks in the door just as I'm leaving. Last night on his way home from work Clayton stopped at Sonic and grabbed me a diet coke and some tater tots.  He handed me the Sonic treasures and said he thought I would  be hungry on my way to my Bible study.  I was tickled pink!! Even though it was something so small as tots and a pop, to me it was so much more.  Its little things like that make me feel loved and appreciated ALL year long. Clayton is so good about surprising me with things all year long and doing such sweet things for me. I absolutely love finding love notes from Clayton all over the house ALL the time! I would much rather have sweetness and surprises all year long than get flowers and candy on Valentines Day. I know I'm very blessed to have a husband like Clayton. I'm constantly reminded how few husbands truly go out of their way to treat their spouse as the love of their life like mine does.

This morning I woke up to the best gift ever! It was a little blonde 1 1/2 year old! He was smiling and jabbering away when I went into his room to get him. Oh, did I mention he slept in until 9? That was a fabulous surprise! We made pink heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and both Jett and Tucker were thrilled. Both of my little loves got pancakes for breakfast.

I truly and sincerely mean this: there is NO Valentines Day gift that will ever compare to being made to feel special and loved all year long by Clayton and Jett.

"The Sisters" and Homemade Frosting.

We used to live next to two older women who were widows and happened to be sisters. We referred to them as 'The Sisters.' Their names were Bea and Helen. Very sweet Christian women who loved my family and were lonely at times. I used to walk over there many times a week to visit them and I remember one day while I was there, Bea had just made chocolate cupcakes. She was in the middle of making a homemade peanut butter frosting. I'll never forget how both of them knew precisely how much frosting a cupcake should have. They both knew that you better not dare to skimp on the frosting- especially when its a peanut butter frosting.  Since that day many years ago I always think of them whenever I frost a cake, brownie or cupcake.  They have both past away now and I think about them frequently. I often wonder if they were to show up and try one of my cupcakes would they be happy with the amount of frosting or would they be disappointed.

Frosting will either make or break your cake.  Most people think 'Eh, its just frosting' but you couldn't be any farther from the truth.  You could make the most amazing cake but if you slather some pre-bought frosting on top you are committing a major mistake you will regret for the rest of your life. That may be a bit dramatic but seriously, once you make your own frosting and then try the pre-bought stuff, you will never ever want to go back to your old ways.  Making a homemade frosting is so crazy easy and I don't know why more people don't do it. It seriously takes less than 5 minutes to whip up an amazing frosting. All you need is a mixer, around 5 ingredients and you will be the proud owner of your very own frosting! The best part is licking the beaters once your done! Jett loves having a Mama that makes her own frosting because he gets to sit in his highchair with a big ol' beater full of frosting once I'm done!

Butter...

Some people get excited when they buy a blank canvas or a new camera. There is something about the thrill of creating your own masterpiece.  Me, I get excited when I have a pound of butter in my fridge. The excitement of deciding what yummy treat to create is incredibly fun for me.
Now, imagine my delight at having 3 lbs of butter in my fridge right now!! Braum's is having a sale where if you spend $15 in their fresh market, you get 1lb of butter free. Well, spending $15 is a piece of cake in there and hence, we have 3lbs of butter.  I've already made my Sunday Fudge Cake and an Apple Crisp.
I sincerely hope we are able to have a house full of kids because I truly look forward to making desserts and having them inhaled in less than 24 hours! Currently, when I do bake, the freshly baked treasure lingers for days because Clayton and I just can't finish it on our own. I'm sad to say I usually have to throw a lot of it out because it spoils before we can finish it.  I get so much more enjoyment watching someone else eat my desserts than I do eating it myself. That is, except for my Sunday Fudge Cake- that concoction of chocolate is absolutely AMAZING. Its hard to share that dessert- its my all time favorite chocolate dessert that I make.
Everyone wants to be known for something. Some people are known for their athletic ability, some for their photography skills, others for their humor. Me, I want to be known for loving Jesus and my ability to blow peoples taste buds with my baking.
Like most things, it takes practice. As long as I have butter, I will keep working towards my dream of becoming a fabulous baker.

Life @ 17 months

Jett is 17 months! There is so much to say about this age. Such a fun time with him.

I LOVE:
His happy feet dance.
When he says, "Mama"
Hearing him yell Bubba or Eddy across the house as he is looking for Teddy.
His giggle when Dada gets home from work.
When he tips his head all the way back and laughs.
Watching him run through the house chasing Tucker
Asking him for a kiss and he turns his cheek close to me so I can kiss him.
Watching him point out his belly button and then having to show him mine.
Being tackled by him. He literally body slammed me the other day and he was so proud of himself.
Having him play independently in his room with his tools and tractors.
His ability to feed himself with a fork or spoon at every meal.
How he gets real quiet and then knocks on the wall trying to get Tucker to bark.
When he 'woofs' at random dogs in the neighborhood.
His passion for giving the most precise and intense 'High Five's'.
His adoration for bubbles. 
How he talks all day long.

NOT LOVING:
His loud soprano scream when he doesn't get his way.
Reminding him daily that Tuckers food and treats are not meant for little boys.
Opening the dishwasher and helping himself to the knives
Watching him run from me while he yells NO, NO, NO as I ask him to do something.
The daily injuries that come with a child who is CONSTANTLY in motion and is SOOO curious.   (Not the best picture but this is the splint he got at the ER after spraining his hip)

Obviously there is so much more good than bad! All these naughty things are just signs that he is growing up and learning how to be more independent. Its bittersweet watching him change each month. I look back at pictures from just 2 months ago and he's already so different.
I'm so grateful to have such a healthy and happy child. I will gladly take all the frustrations just so we can have so many happy moments.

My "Target Day"!!!!

Usually once or twice a week I scour the internet and my own coupon box for coupons that match the deals at local stores in Edmond. My favorites are CVS, Homeland, Crest, Target and Walgreen's.

I compiled all my coupons this morning and decided today was my "Target Day."  Target allows you to use a manufacturers coupon as well as Target coupons you can print off their website. I usually prefer to do my bargain shopping when I don't have Jett with me because he has been known to start fussing and then its hard for me to truly focus on my coupon deals. I prayed as we entered the store that God would keep my baby content so I could focus on my plan! Jett couldn't have been any cuter- he played with his feet pretty much the whole time we were in the store. He let out a yelp near the end to remind me that we were past nap time so I quickly headed to the check-out.

I had put quite a bit of thought and preparation into this shopping trip and as I got to the check-out I got a little nervous and then excited! I was hoping and praying that my time spent pouring over coupons and then matching them up with the Target coupons had worked to my advantage as I had planned.

Before coupons, the total was $42.11
 
After coupons, I paid $3.29 out of my own pocket for all the items in this picture!!!

Yes, it does take some time and thought but how fun to get all this stuff for so darn cheap!! I have so much fun doing this! This is my own little ministry- I love donating bags and bags of stuff like this to people who need help!! What good is it in my closets? I can't stand hoarders!!